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| "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added to you" Matt 6:33 "He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it" Matt 1-39 | | |
| Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own
understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your
paths straight.
Lately I've been finding it really hard to make decisions on even the smallest things and its a bit frustrating. In a couple days it'll be the start of 2008. This new year makes me think of new resolutions, and reorganizing my priorities. I have made a commitment to being a student, and to the Red Light Movement. And I also really value my friends and family and I think it's important to put time into developing these friendships.
Ever since high school I've always spread myself out too thin. I find its hard to stay in one place and there's a part of me that is scared to see how a friendship can grow if I let it, and so that's why you see me running around sometimes. Coming into college though, I learned its not the quantity of friends that matter, its the quality. I have a great community at church and at my fellowship in which I've learned how to love and how to be loved. For the longest time I wanted to get to know everyone, and have a friendship with everyone I meet. There's a time and a place for everything though, and there's a reason why
certain people are in my life, and others aren't. I can't expect
myself to reach out to everyone. That's not possible.
So by not wanting to spread myself out too thin, I decided to not work in winter, even though I know extra money would be great. I feel that God isn't calling me to work right now, and if I follow His plans, He'll provide all the tools for me, and I can't go wrong. I decided I'm not rejoining Dance Sport, and right now I'm reevaluating Alpha Phi Omega (APO). With decisions, it takes courage to be content and to trust that the right decision has been made. I want to do everything. I want to be everywhere, and I'm realizing just now that that's my pride speaking. It's difficult to continually check my motives....
With APO, I could still be an active without being soooo active by meeting the bare minimum requirements. Still though, that takes time, energy and work. This New Year, I'm beginning with my future in mind. I'm trying to discern and decide what's best for me in the long run.
Thanks for reading,
Kelly
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| I decided to sleep at 4am that night to "take a little nap". I woke up and was in despair. I kept telling myself the basic "shoulda woulda couldas" but then I realized that didn't solve anything. So I dashed out of the door and headed for the airport. Before this morning I was thinking, "I'm going to miss Hungary, I don't want to leave yet. But at 9:40am all I wanted was to be on that plane. I wanted to be home. I didn't feel like I belonged in Hungary anymore. My friend called United Airlines in the morning for me and told me that it would cost a couple hundreds of dollars to cancel and book another flight. Boo. So I got to my airline at 11am. Me: (frantic) "Hi, I'm sorry, I missed my flight and I don't know what to do..." Eve (ticket sales lady): Its ok! May I have your passport. Where are you flying into? Me: San Diego, California. Eve: Oh! There's another flight going at 1pm. Why don't we put you on that one and say that there were "technical difficulties" getting here this morning? Me: (in shock) Uh...Yeah...thanks! uh huh! Haha! So... I ended up flying in 3 hours later, but I'm home and that's all that matters. WHEW. Besides this incident, I had a crazy day at the airport. I wanted to bring Hungarian Salami as gifts for people but they wouldn't let me pass security with it, met a new friend, Jamie Anderson (who's a professional snowboarder), and my 1 checked bag got stuck in Frankfurt so I have to wait until they transport it to San Diego. That pretty much encompasses all I wanted to say in this blog. I ended the night with homemade pho. 
God is so good =) I'm kind of upset about the Salami though...it was the perfect gift for CEC-LIFE boys. I'll find out how to get some for you guys one day... 
Glad to be home, Kelly | | |
| This was my entry on August 4, 2007:
embracing ambiguity"Inexactly three weeks I'll be in Eastern Europe. I don't know what toexpect there, nor do I know what to expect when I come back to thestates. I'll be withdrawing myself from the comforts of San Diego-myfamily, church, friends, cell phone. The list goes on. I have to thinkmore of what I'll gain than what I'll be "losing". This trip isn'thitting me. I'm leaving for 5 months until January and I should bethinking of packing but the whole thing just seems so surreal.
I'veentitled this post as "embracing ambiguity" because it's ok to nothave the answers to everything. In fact, I like not knowing exactlywho I am. I need to trust that God has my best interests at heart. Learning more about myself has been so enriching."
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Funny because its December 16th, 2007 and I...feel the same way but about Budapest. Its easier to see what I'll be losing rather than see what I have gained and what I will gain by going back home. Sure I'm leaving, but I'm also gaining perspective on the world and on myself. I wrote the entry "embracing ambiguity" four months ago, but I'm facing the same challenge today. Even though I have some plans and goals for next year, I can't see what's going to happen. I thought after 4 months I'd have some answers, but I'm coming back to San Diego with more questions. I'm happy about that though. :) Thanks for showing me this past entry, Paul.
Wow...24 hours and I'll be flying home!
Kelly
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| It was beautiful, cold and snowy today. There's something magical in the air, I just can't get enough of it. Budapest has been very good to me. I've gotten so used to life here. Change is scary sometimes you know? I feel safely tucked here. But I know I'm supposed to come back home. In fact, I'm excited to come home =)
P.s., Isn't it funny how you have to leave home to find out more about yourself sometimes?
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